Near to the door
by viktriap
Summary: At the beginning of season 4, Cole was almost killed by the Source. What could he think about in those moments? This is my guess about it.


Disclaimer: I still don't own Charmed, of course.

Author's Note: I'm quite creative these days, don't you think so? This is short one-shot that came to my mind when I was re-watching some episodes from the 4th season. I hope you will like it. So, read and enjoy! And don't forget to review, please!

Near to the door

He felt almost nothing. First there was sharp pain in his abdoman and then only weakness. People say you see your life before your death, and there was something: he saw his father, however other days he hardly remembered him. He saw his mother as well, horrible and furious, as ever. He saw the Charmed Ones, who he started to look at as family. But this were only glimpses of the past and he was sure that only seconds went by since the Source had stabbed him. And he heard the deep voice talking.

„….don't die so fast…I want your dear witch to see your agony…"

It was as if the words were coming from the end of a tunnel, but suddenly there was a wave of energy running through his body.

He could breathe now and he could see and he could feel, but Cole didn't think that this changed anything at all: he was dying. The only difference was that his death became slow and painful. The Source vanished and he collapsed to the concrete. The pain he hadn't felt before was now there with its full strength.

No! Suddenly he thought about Phoebe. He can't give it up so easily – he has to fight!

It took ages to get back to the knees and even longer to stand up. His legs wanted to give up all the time and he was swaying and trembling slightly.

The street was abnormally quiet – to tell the truth there was not a single living soul there. He had the feeling this wasn't by accident. It wasn't hard for the Source to cast a spell that frightens everybody away. There was no chance to find help here...

Cole fought for every single step. Breathing became harder and harder and only his willpower held him on his feet. He couldn't guess how much time had passed, and he could only hope that the girls were all right. He didn't count on them to help him – to be honest he rarely counted on anybody. Not that he didn't trust the Halliwell sisters, it was only a bad habit – and on the other hand he had a guess that they were quite busy with the Source.

As he struggled to go on, his thoughts started to wander. Could they ever have a normal life, Phoebe and he? Could they live in relative peace? He had his doubts, but in the last months – for the first time in his long life – he started to hope. Love could work out miracles – it has for example kept his human soul alive, if not intact. He had loved before Phoebe, although it was rather different: he loved his father, even after his death and he loved his mother, even though he tortured him during his whole childhood and there were some other people as well. And then he found Phoebe, the woman, who gave him the power and the courage finish off with his past and to face his true self after hundred years of lying.

Because his whole life was a lie. He pretended to be satisfied with his destiny, with being a demon. He pretended not to care about the murders, about the innocents... But he cared, and he had his doubts. It didn't count however... if you want to stay alive in the Underworld, you have to surpress your feelings, especially if you are "only" a half-demon who is discriminated by the others and espcially if you are chosen by the Source of All Evil to be his assassin.

By this time, Cole didn't see his surroundings at all he was just dragging himself along and was sunken in his memories. He struggled further and thought about things he had never analized before. Phoebe. He opened his eyes, that he didn't notice to close before. Her love... her whole personality helped him to recognize how stupid he had been. He tried hard to deny it, tried to work out his mission but at a point he gave it up and chose a more dangerous path. He knew it could mean the death for him – and to tell the truth he didn't believe that he would last this long! – but he didn't want to sacrifice his only chance for happiness and for a normal life.

Even if he was dying at the moment he didn't regret his decision. Yes, sometimes it might have been hard to be good, especially if Prue was the judge. It wasn't that he wanted to be evil, it was only habit and he never learned how to be nice, for example or how to behave like humans. Of course he was more human than any other demon in the Underworld but his human side was rather instinctive because he was brought up by demons and brought up to be a demon.

He fell to the knees... He made a weak attempt to move further, but his body didn't want to obey. He fell to the ground. This time it wasn't the concrete, but the grass, almost comfortable. Almost. If there wasn't that sharp pain in his chest, if he could breathe, he could even sleep in...

He wasn't scared of death, however he guessed that it wouldn't be nice for him. What could wait for a demon who killed so many innocent people? He was only scared of one thing: did he told Phoebe enough times how much he loved her?

Suddenly Cole heard voices. Was somebody calling his name? Was this death?

And then there was somebody covering over him. He blinked to see clearly. Phoebe?

"Cole...oh, my god! Don't do this to me! Please!"

Yes, indee. It's her! How could this be? Or was he only hallucinating? Then he glimpsed Piper who was rising her hand...

The next moment he was gasping for air and clung to Phoebe's arm with all his strength. The pain was still there, but he felt the weakness fading. Phoebe pulled his head to her shoulder and he felt her trembling. His heart was overloaded with love and he whispered in the warmness of her shoulder.

"I love you more than anything else in the world..."

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End file.
